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"Still lie the sheltering snows, undimmed and white;
And reigns the winter's pregnant silence still;
No sign of spring, save that the catkins fill,
And willow stems grow daily red and bright.
These are days when ancients held a rite
Of expiation for the old year's ill,
And prayer to purify the new year's will."
Helen Hunt Jackson, A Calendar of Sonnet's: February

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Do you have a joke?

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Comments

  • Practical_SeverardPractical_Severard Posts: 1,482 ✭✭✭✭
    edited February 7
    double
  • TeachTeach Your Teacher HomePosts: 9,734 mod
    So, what do you think this joke is about?

    An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman walk into a bar. The Englishman wanted to go so they all had to leave.

    @mheredge
  • PaulettePaulette Posts: 18,099 mod
    A priest of goodwill wanted to encourage his faithful to love each another and therefore he spoke the following words: "Do you all want to give a warm handshake to each other?" But suddenly an old lady jumped straight and said: "Then put the heating first. higher, because I have ice-cold hands ... "
  • MichouxeMichouxe Posts: 8,750 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited February 7
    Today I have to go to the dentist! But fortunately not for a filling....

    What kind of filling do you want?
    I love chocolate!
    https://i.pinimg.com/originals/3b/e0/35/3be03597e70519d73839aa2ca266348d.jpg"

  • mheredgemheredge Teacher Here and therePosts: 36,096 mod
    I wonder how many patients have received the wrong treatment after doctors with writing this bad have been misunderstood. Though I remember one time a pharmacist phoning my doctor up to be clear that he was not misreading the prescription.
  • Practical_SeverardPractical_Severard Posts: 1,482 ✭✭✭✭
    Michouxe said:

    Today I have to go to the dentist! But fortunately not for a filling....
    What kind of filling do you want?
    I love chocolate!
    https://i.pinimg.com/originals/3b/e0/35/3be03597e70519d73839aa2ca266348d.jpg"

    That was an issue to the missus. She got a common nickel filling having no idea that she would develop an allergic reaction to it. The doctor asked her if she had the nickel allergy, she didn't know, but when asked whether she could wear jewellery, she said she had no problem. After the filling had been installed she felt badly, different part of her body were affected, so she had the filling exchanged for a golden one. The clinic offered also other fillings, made of less allergic prone metal and more expensive, of course. I don't remember what metal it was.

  • MichouxeMichouxe Posts: 8,750 ✭✭✭✭✭
    A sarcastic teacher challenges his students and asks; “ If there are idiots in the room, can they get up now? After a long silence, one of the students gets up. “ So, Sara, why do you think that you are an idiot?”Ask the teacher with a sneer in her direction. “ Well, I don't actually think so , but I fount it so sad that you're standing alone there.” 🤣
  • MichouxeMichouxe Posts: 8,750 ✭✭✭✭✭
    @Practical_Severard - I'm sorry for her, anyone can develop allergies, even from products we use every day. It is terrible for her, and very expensive to replace all the fillings and certainly not funny.
  • Practical_SeverardPractical_Severard Posts: 1,482 ✭✭✭✭
    Michouxe said:

    @Practical_Severard - I'm sorry for her, anyone can develop allergies, even from products we use every day. It is terrible for her, and very expensive to replace all the fillings and certainly not funny.

    Well, the bright side is that she could guess the reason, since the condition was very obscure, you just don't understand which part of your body is malfunctioning, there were random pains here and there...
  • MichouxeMichouxe Posts: 8,750 ✭✭✭✭✭
    @Practical_Severard
    Well, the bright side is that she could guess the reason, since the condition was very obscure, you just don't understand which part of your body is malfunctioning, there were random pains here and there...

    I know a woman who has had an allergy. Red spots of different sizes.
    She had to go to the hospital in Leuven for almost two years, and never they found the cause, it stopped as it started, although sometimes a few spots return. She is still worried!
  • mheredgemheredge Teacher Here and therePosts: 36,096 mod
    I once suddenly went all red and blotchy. We worked out that it was probably due to my mother changing her washing powder when she replaced her washing machine and at the same time switched the powder too.

    Did you hear about the convict who had allergies?
    -He broke out
  • Practical_SeverardPractical_Severard Posts: 1,482 ✭✭✭✭
    Michouxe said:


    I know a woman who has had an allergy. Red spots of different sizes.
    She had to go to the hospital in Leuven for almost two years, and never they found the cause, it stopped as it started, although sometimes a few spots return. She is still worried!

    Yes, the modern medical science still understands little allergy-wise.

  • mheredgemheredge Teacher Here and therePosts: 36,096 mod
    I wonder whether people are more prone to allergies these day, or that it is better known, so people are more aware.
  • PaulettePaulette Posts: 18,099 mod
    A woman goes to the doctor in panic and says:
    "Doctor, I need to speak to you about my husband. In the twenty years that we have already been married, he has always been a happy and contented man, and he has always loved me a lot. But since he recently consulted you, he has changed completely, he's never home, never takes me out again, talks about other women and he does not even look at me anymore ... Your drug treatment apparently has his whole personality changed, maybe he got insane? "
    The doctor replies: "But I did not give him any medications at all. I only said that he had to buy glasses."
  • MichouxeMichouxe Posts: 8,750 ✭✭✭✭✭
    A boy comes home after his first ever job interview.
    “And how it is going ?” his father asks.
    “very well!” the boy answer. “ I may already with the staff on a trip next week.”
    “ Where are you going then?”
    “Well, the director said me that when I come to work on his factory , they will all go to the Philistines in a week!"



    I don't know if the meaning is the same everywhere as in the Dutch language. The Philistines means it the same as bankruptcy.

  • GemmaRowlandsGemmaRowlands Moderator Posts: 8,689 mod

    A sample of a doctor's handrwriting from somewhere in the former USSR. The language is Russian. Pharmacist is a tough job.

    Taken from Reddit.

    Oh wow. I have a friend who works in a hospital and she says that trying to work out what doctors write sometimes can be a very difficult task indeed!
  • Practical_SeverardPractical_Severard Posts: 1,482 ✭✭✭✭


    Oh wow. I have a friend who works in a hospital and she says that trying to work out what doctors write sometimes can be a very difficult task indeed!

    The bright side is that it's an entry in a medical history, not a prescription, so that's another doctor who'll need to decode the scribbles, not a pharmacist. A payback so.
  • PaulettePaulette Posts: 18,099 mod
    The man with big bad luck: A man who was prided himself on its inventions had always bad luck. For example, when he last year he special designed hang-glider shown, it fell down immediately into the sea. And yesterday he launched his submarine and this one exploded in the air.
  • GemmaRowlandsGemmaRowlands Moderator Posts: 8,689 mod


    Oh wow. I have a friend who works in a hospital and she says that trying to work out what doctors write sometimes can be a very difficult task indeed!

    The bright side is that it's an entry in a medical history, not a prescription, so that's another doctor who'll need to decode the scribbles, not a pharmacist. A payback so.
    Yes that is very true, so maybe they will realise just how difficult it can be to work out that kind of handwriting so they can make theirs neater!
  • FellFell Posts: 12 ✭✭
    Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?

    There is no menu: You get what you deserve.
  • GemmaRowlandsGemmaRowlands Moderator Posts: 8,689 mod
    Fell said:

    Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?



    There is no menu: You get what you deserve.

    I laughed out loud when I read that. I like jokes that play on words - and I think they're great for people on this website who are learning English, too.
  • mheredgemheredge Teacher Here and therePosts: 36,096 mod
    I had to laugh too @Fell. My favourite cafe in Kathmandu is called this. It is really good, so obviously there's some very good karma floating about!
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