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"Still lie the sheltering snows, undimmed and white;
And reigns the winter's pregnant silence still;
No sign of spring, save that the catkins fill,
And willow stems grow daily red and bright.
These are days when ancients held a rite
Of expiation for the old year's ill,
And prayer to purify the new year's will."
Helen Hunt Jackson, A Calendar of Sonnet's: February

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Do you have a joke?



  • BubblyBubbly Nightingale Posts: 30,275 ✭✭✭✭✭✭
    @moath I will share few tomorrow as a bit busy due to "Iftar".
  • madhugmadhug Posts: 829 ✭✭✭
    Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I".
    Student: I is the....
    Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I".
    Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
  • madhugmadhug Posts: 829 ✭✭✭
    A person who speaks two languages is bilingual...A person who speaks three languages is trilingual...A person who speaks four or more languages is multilingual.
    What is a person who speaks one language?
    An American.
  • OlegOleg Posts: 3,067 ✭✭✭✭✭
    I know this riddle looks pretty easy peasy for the English speakers. But anyway check this out :
    how ironic that there are three words that sound like two? Who knows the answer? Is it a riddle or a joke?
  • mheredgemheredge Teacher Here and therePosts: 36,096 mod
    The Australian immigration official asked the incoming British tourist if he had a criminal record.

    "No," he replied. "I didn't know it was still required."
  • > @Dora said:
    > Shame on me... haha
  • Practical_SeverardPractical_Severard Posts: 1,482 ✭✭✭✭
    From a cocktail recipe book:

    Cocktail "Idiot": 50 ml of Henessy "Private reserve" harvested in 1965 and 150 ml of Cola
    Cocktail "Complete idiot": 250 ml of Henessy "Private reserve" harvested in 1965 and 50 ml of Cola
  • Practical_SeverardPractical_Severard Posts: 1,482 ✭✭✭✭
    The difference between a naturally born gentleman and a well-bred gentleman.

    Think of a situation. A gentleman hires a room in a hotel, enters the bathroom and runs across a naked woman taking shower.
    A well-bred gentleman: "Madame, a thousand apologies..."
    A naturally-born gentleman: "Excuse me, sir. It seems I've lost my spectacles somewhere..."
  • Practical_SeverardPractical_Severard Posts: 1,482 ✭✭✭✭
    edited July 2015
    Two genlemen are standing on a bridge over the Thames. A man is drowning just under the bridge. He's yelling "help me, please, help!!! I can't swim!". A gentleman asks the other: "Can you swim, sir?", "No, sir, and you?", "So can't I. But we both don't make a scandal of it which whole London can hear!"


    Two gentlemen are standing on a bridge over the Thames. A man is drowning just under the bridge, yelling "Help me, please, help!!! I can't swim!".

    One gentleman asks the other: "Can you swim, sir?", "No, sir, and you?", "Neither can I, but at least we don't make a scandal of it which the whole of London can hear!"
    Post edited by Teach on
  • moathmoath Posts: 495 ✭✭✭✭
    good jokes!
    i like them ;)
  • RomanRoman Posts: 493 ✭✭✭
    Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who was better on his computer. They had been going at it for days, and God was tired of hearing all of the bickering.

    Finally God said, "Cool it. I am going to set up a test that will run two hours and I will judge who does the better job."

    So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away. They moused. They did spreadsheets. They wrote reports. They sent faxes. They sent e-mail. They sent out e-mail with attachments. They downloaded. They did some genealogy reports. They made cards. They did every known job. But ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, the rain poured and, of course, the electricity went off.

    Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld. Jesus just sighed. The electricity finally flickered back on and each of them restarted their computers.

    Satan started searching frantically, screaming "It's gone! It's all gone! I lost everything when the power went out!"

    Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours. Satan observed this and became irate.

    "Wait! He cheated, how did he do it?"

    God shrugged and said, "Jesus saves."
  • moathmoath Posts: 495 ✭✭✭✭
    hehe i like the idea of this joke,it is funny..
    umm, but you know i'm a muslim and God is very great and holy so can't be in any jokes, and Jesus is a very important prophet in my religion so we respect him a lot that we wouldn't prefer to put him in any joke too..
    i hope that wouldn't change your mood about me, i'm glad to read more of your jokes
    thanx for understanding :)
  • RomanRoman Posts: 493 ✭✭✭
    I'm sorry @moath that you can't enjoy this tender joke without guilt.
  • moathmoath Posts: 495 ✭✭✭✭
    thank you for your understanding @Roman :)
  • thaihoa2212thaihoa2212 Posts: 4
    edited August 2015
    An English visitor tells a funny story to students of shool where he visits. It is a quite long story. However, the interprete translates it in no more than one minutes, and all students laugh crazily. The English visitor is so surprise and asks the interpreter how he can translate what he tell in a very short time. The interpreter answers: "I just say: "our honorable guest have just told us a funny story, please laugh!"
  • madhugmadhug Posts: 829 ✭✭✭
    @bubbli, "English is difficult" ha ha ha Excellent, :)
  • madhugmadhug Posts: 829 ✭✭✭
    This is a masterpiece..

    Boss: So tell me young man, on which occasions have you realised that you are important in the Company and company cannot function without you???

    Employee : "Sir, whenever I asked for leave"!! :)
  • BubblyBubbly Nightingale Posts: 30,275 ✭✭✭✭✭✭
    @madhug good one! :)
  • DoraDora Teacher's Pet Posts: 4,385 ✭✭✭✭✭
    There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed a desire to become a "great" writer.
    When asked to define "great" he said "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, wail, howl in pain, desperation, and anger!"

    He now works for Microsoft writing error messages.
    "Like rain, I fell for you."
  • moathmoath Posts: 495 ✭✭✭✭
    good one i like it :D
  • moathmoath Posts: 495 ✭✭✭✭
    simple and funny, one of my favorites :D
  • moathmoath Posts: 495 ✭✭✭✭
    i like yours the most, very funny :D :D
  • moathmoath Posts: 495 ✭✭✭✭
    keep going guys, i want more of your goodies ;)
  • madhugmadhug Posts: 829 ✭✭✭
    @moath, Thanks..! I will send another best joke here it is...!
  • madhugmadhug Posts: 829 ✭✭✭
    Smart answer by a female...

    On a flight, a guy asked a beautiful lady sitting next to him...

    'Nice perfume.....which one is it?...
    I want to gift it to my wife..!!'

    'Don't give her....some idiot will find an excuse to talk to her..!!'
  • DoraDora Teacher's Pet Posts: 4,385 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Where's yours joke @Moath? Don't you have any jokes?
    "Like rain, I fell for you."
  • madhugmadhug Posts: 829 ✭✭✭
    edited August 2015
    Mother to Son:
    Who is Tippu Sultan ?
    Son : Don't know
    Mother : Sometime give attention to study also
    Son to Mother : Do you know Chinky Aunty ?
    Mother : Don't know
    Son: Sometimes give attention to Dad also
  • moathmoath Posts: 495 ✭✭✭✭
    good jokes! :D :D :D
  • moathmoath Posts: 495 ✭✭✭✭
    edited August 2015
    aren't my riddles enough for you?!

    one of my jokes :D :D :|
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