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"Still lie the sheltering snows, undimmed and white;
And reigns the winter's pregnant silence still;
No sign of spring, save that the catkins fill,
And willow stems grow daily red and bright.
These are days when ancients held a rite
Of expiation for the old year's ill,
And prayer to purify the new year's will."
Helen Hunt Jackson, A Calendar of Sonnet's: February

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Do you have a joke?



  • TeachTeach Your Teacher HomePosts: 9,734 mod
    Three billionaires find a genie in a bottle, who offers to grant each of them a wish.

    The first one says, "l just bought a new house in Madagascar and we're having a terrible problem with termites. Nobody can fix it".

    The genie says, "I'll give you a little termite, he will eat all of the big termites and then he'll die. Everything will be fine in no time."

    Then the second one makes his wish. "I just bought a house in Tuscany," he says, "and we're having a terrible cockroach problem."

    The genie says, "I'll give you a little cockroach and he'll eat all the big ones. Then he'll die, and everything will be fine."

    The third billionaire scratches his head and says, "Genie, can you give me a little tax collector?"
  • DoraDora Teacher's Pet Posts: 4,385 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Hahahahaha @Lynne. It's very funny. It's - Joke of the day. :)
    "Like rain, I fell for you."
  • moathmoath Posts: 495 ✭✭✭✭
    well. since you asked!

    Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
  • moathmoath Posts: 495 ✭✭✭✭
    A blonde drove to the shopping mall and found a parking spot which had a sign that read "1 Hour Only," but she wanted 2 hours to shop so she parked across 2 spaces.
  • moathmoath Posts: 495 ✭✭✭✭
    Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a no bell prize.!!
    (this joke is not funny,,you can laugh if you want!)
  • RomanRoman Posts: 493 ✭✭✭
    A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan.
    He asks, "What was that for?"
    She says, "I found a piece of paper in your pocket with Betty Sue written on it."
    He says, "Jeez, honey, remember last week when I went to the track? Betty Sue was the name of the horse I went there to bet on."
    She shrugs and walks away.
    Three days later he is reading his paper when she walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head again with the frying pan.
    He asks, "What was that for?"
    She answers, "Your horse called."
  • BubblyBubbly Nightingale Posts: 30,275 ✭✭✭✭✭✭
    3 drunk guys enterd a taxi. The taxi driver knew that they were drunk so he started the engine & turned it off again. Then said, "We have reached your destination". The 1st guy gave him money & the 2nd guy said "Thank you". The 3rd guy slapped the driver. The driver was shocked thinking the 3rd drunk knew what he did. But then he asked "What was that for?". The 3rd guy replied, "Control your speed next time, you nearly killed us!"
  • Practical_SeverardPractical_Severard Posts: 1,482 ✭✭✭✭
    Thank you so much, Lynne! That's exactly the kind of help I seek from a forum like this.
  • Practical_SeverardPractical_Severard Posts: 1,482 ✭✭✭✭
    Once in a kindergarten the children started using some really bad words. The teachers set up an investigation and found out that the management had invited a team of plumbers to do some minor repairing. So, they called them in and asked for an explanation.

    One of them said: "I was holding a ladder for Nick, and Nick was soldering a pipe above. At the moment a liquid solder drop comes inside my collar and I told him: 'My dear friend, some liquid solder has dropped inside my collar. Could you please do your job a bit more carefully?'"
  • DoraDora Teacher's Pet Posts: 4,385 ✭✭✭✭✭

    "Like rain, I fell for you."
  • BubblyBubbly Nightingale Posts: 30,275 ✭✭✭✭✭✭
    A boy with a monkey on his shoulder was walking down the road when he passed a policeman who said, "Now, now young lad, I think you had better take that monkey the zoo." The next day, the boy was walking down the road with the monkey on his shoulder again, when he passed the same policeman. The policeman said, "Hey there, I thought I told you to take that money to the zoo!" The boy answered, "I did! Today I'm taking him to the cinema."
  • RomanRoman Posts: 493 ✭✭✭
    The Mathematics of Love

    Smart man + smart woman = romance
    Smart man + dumb woman = affair
    Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
    Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
  • DoraDora Teacher's Pet Posts: 4,385 ✭✭✭✭✭

    "Like rain, I fell for you."
  • RomanRoman Posts: 493 ✭✭✭
  • DoraDora Teacher's Pet Posts: 4,385 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Nice to see your jokes, @moath.

    I was in a couple’s home trying to fix their Internet connection. 
The husband called out to his wife 
in the other room for the computer password. “Start with a capital S, then 123,” she shouted back.

    We tried S123 several times, but 
it didn’t work. So we called the wife in. As she input the password, she muttered, “I really don’t know what’s so difficult about typing Start123.”

    "Like rain, I fell for you."
  • moathmoath Posts: 495 ✭✭✭✭
    hahahahahah, i really like this joke
    very well :D
  • nisreen.mustafanisreen.mustafa Posts: 208 ✭✭✭✭
    Tooth brush : sometimes i feel that i have the worst job in the world !!
    Toilet paper : no comments !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • aj_englishaj_english Posts: 12 ✭✭
    edited September 2015
    absolutely no comments @nisreen.mustafa
  • aj_englishaj_english Posts: 12 ✭✭
    20 years with my wife

    A woman awoke during the night to find that her husband was not in bed. She put on her robe and went downstairs. He was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appeared to be deep in thought, just staring at the wall. She saw him wipe a tear from his eye and take a sip of his coffee.

    "What's the matter dear? Why are you down here at this time of night?" she asked.

    "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating and you were only 16?" he asked.

    "Yes I do." she replied.

    "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?"

    "Yes Yes I do." she replied.

    "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?"

    "Yes I remember."

    "Do you remember your father when he shoved that shotgun in my face and said.'Either you marry my daughter or spend twenty years in jail'?"

    "Yes I do", she replied.

    He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, " You know I would have gotten out today."
  • moathmoath Posts: 495 ✭✭✭✭
    that man is losing his mind.. :D :D
    i like it
  • BubblyBubbly Nightingale Posts: 30,275 ✭✭✭✭✭✭
    @aj_english What happened after that? :) :)
  • aj_englishaj_english Posts: 12 ✭✭
    @bubbli you can guess that. horrible ending :P
  • BubblyBubbly Nightingale Posts: 30,275 ✭✭✭✭✭✭
    @aj_english Horrible and mysterious ending. ;)
  • aj_englishaj_english Posts: 12 ✭✭
    edited September 2015
    WTH moment....
    Today i went to the meat shop and asked the butcher, "do you have brain?" .
    He- :angry:
    Me- i didn't mean that man.... :lol:
  • BubblyBubbly Nightingale Posts: 30,275 ✭✭✭✭✭✭
    @aj_english which man? :)
  • GemmaRowlandsGemmaRowlands Moderator Posts: 8,689 mod
    You will have to be knowledgeable about England for this one, however it is a joke that made me laugh for hours when I was 10, so I will post it here!

    Where do bees go to the bathroom?
    The BP station!
  • RomanRoman Posts: 493 ✭✭✭
    Q. How many lawyer jokes are there?

    A. Three...the rest are all true.
  • BubblyBubbly Nightingale Posts: 30,275 ✭✭✭✭✭✭
    Boy calls 911. Boy: Hello? I need your help! 911: Alright, What is it? Boy: Two girls are fighting over me! 911: So what's your emergency? Boy: The ugly one is winning.
  • BubblyBubbly Nightingale Posts: 30,275 ✭✭✭✭✭✭
    Wife: "What are you doing?" Husband : Nothing. Wife : "Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour." Husband : "I was looking for the expiration date." :D
  • moathmoath Posts: 495 ✭✭✭✭
    i like them, nice ;)
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