We are more or less dependent on each other nowadays?

lisa

People have different views about wether we are more or less dependent on others nowadays. In my view, modern life forces us to be more independent than people were in the past.

There are two main reasons why it could be argued that we are more dependent on each other now. Firstly, life is more complex and difficult, especially because cost of living has increased so dramatically. For example, young adults tend to rely on their parents for help when buying a house. Property prices are higher than ever, without help it would be impossible for many people to pay a deposit and a mortgage. Secondly, people seem to be more ambitious nowadays, and they want a better quality of life for their families. This means that both parents usually need to work full-time, and they depend on support from grandparents and babysitters for child care.

However, I would agree that we are more independent now. In most countries, families are becoming smaller and more dispersed, which means that people can not count on relatives as much as they uesed to. We also have more freedom to travel and live far away from our home towns. For example, many students choose to study abroad instead of going to their local university, and this experience makes them more independent as they learn to live alone. Another factor in growing independence is technology, which allows us to work alone and from any part of the world.

In conclusion, while there are reasons to believe people now depend on each other more, in my view we are more independent than ever.

mheredge

I have always been very independent @lisa so I am not sure I am very well qualified to comment on this!

lisa

Do you sometimes feel lonely, isolation or alienation? @mheredge

mheredge

Not really @lisa as I am very active so I am usually meeting lots of people. But then when I want some peace and quiet, I'm more than happy to spend time on my own.

lisa

It is surely that you can enjoy anytime by [email protected], which is the best condition of one person, in my mind. Most people can not tolerate the loneliness, for example, most Chinese older people do not want to spend their last time on healthcare centre which is particularly for older ones, because they prefer to stay with their families, in fact their children are busy with their own lives, and they do not have enough time to stay with their old parents together, which means the older parents have to spend most of time by themselves.

mheredge

@lisa I can imagine that some old people's homes would be great fun if you have a bunch of friends there where you can be sociable with and not have to worry about living alone. When I'm old and can't get around easily by myself, I certainly don't think I would be against the idea of finding a nice place ideally in a warm place!

lisa

@mheredge Most of their friends are too old to move freely, which means most of time they have to stay at home, for example, my grandma has to stay at room all her time, and the neighbours of her age have passed away, which means most of her time she is alone, because my parents have to work outside.

mheredge

My grandmother was housebound and went into a home, but she got to see the other residents. They had meals together and could visit each other's rooms, so I think they weren't too alone @lisa.

lisa

Your grandmother lives happy retirement life, on the contrary, my grandmother can not move freely, so she has to spend almost all her life lonely. It is a pity but no one can deal with [email protected]

mheredge

Are there no older people like her who can socialise with @lisa? My mother is 88 and she goes to a weekly yoga class (for elderly). She lives in her own apartment by herself so has the potential to be very alone and is now deaf. However she is lucky in that she can still get around, even if with a stick and quite slowly now.

lisa

Unfortunately she can not move as she like, which makes her unable to visit others and the olders, the same age with her, are few in our neighbourhood, what is worse, some friends of her have passed away in the recent [email protected] TV is her unique best friend now.

mheredge

My mother commented on how at her age, all her old friends are one by one dying off @lisa. I have had a few friends die, though from illnesses when they weren't very old. Apart from a few old relatives, I only know about four people who died of old age.

lisa

Are your mother living alone? @mheredge I think maybe I will go to the health centre when I am old, because there will be lots of people who are the same age with me there.

mheredge

My mother is very independent and doesn't want to live in a home for old people. Like you @lisa, when I get old I quite like the idea of being with others and not having to worry about things so much.

lisa

My grandma does not want to live in a home for old people, she said she would be abused by the nurses, in fact she does not want to leave home although she spends most of the time by herself in the homes of her three sons. @mheredge Maybe we will have the same feelings when we are old enough.

mheredge

Maybe though I think the nurses in nursing homes are usually very caring people. And I think it might be quite fun if there are enough of the right people around @lisa. I am even thinking that I might check out what's available to make sure I can get a place when I'm old and frail. Not that I need to worry for a few more decades, but you never know.

lisa

I do not understand why there are some social ads on the TV, those ads have same themes which are our parents are lonely, we should visit them. Chinese oldlies can have many choices, when they are healthy enough, they can have trips abroad or travel some palces as they like. Why these ads emphasize that they are lonely ? @mheredge

mheredge

I think it is because many old people are lonely, especially if they don't have much family and their husband or wife is already dead @lisa.

lisa

Aging problem is a big one, and no country or society can avoid it. Japan- our neighbour has to face this severe issue directly and we should not aviod it, but it is usless to ask or make a law to force young people to visit their parents, can you imagine ? Visiting has been complusory ! @mheredge

mheredge

Families can be very complicated so it depends a lot on each individual as to how much they will take care of their elderly relatives. I met a guy today who was living in Australia but has come back to Nepal as now his parents are getting on, he feels he should be around to take care of them. He's a good person as he could easily have a much easier life in Australia.

lisa

My mom was very happy when she got the news that I have bought an apartment in my hometown city, and I will be around to take care of her and my father. But I have been concerned about my parents-in-law, they are reluctant to move to my city because their daughters live in the same city with them, unfortunately, my husband is their unique son. @mheredge

mheredge

If you sisters-in-law are happy to provide for your parents-in-law, then surely there should not be such a big problem @lisa. My sister lives near my mother and I keep checking that she is okay with keeping an eye on my mother.

lisa

The key point is the opinion of my parents-in-law, and I am not sure their opinions about this, so I have to wait or enjoy my freedom now. @mheredge Maybe I have to live with them together in the future, which is surely a nightmare.

mheredge

Don't you get along with your in-laws @lisa. My friend today was telling me about her niece who's just got married and is closer to her parents-in-law that was with her own parents.

lisa

We do not live together because we are working abroad, my hometown is far away from my husband's one, which means the cultures of us are different, what is worse, my husband is a Muslim, but I am not although I have not tried pork since we married. My parents-in-law are very convenstional, especially to their religion, usually they do five times prey everyday, which I can not do. There are lots of confrontations between us. @mheredge

mheredge

Are you religious @lisa? I have a Scottish friend who married a Libyan and converted to become a Muslim.

lisa

I do not know whether I am religious or not. @mheredge I do not know how to do prey and want to learn, I think it is a bit unrealistic, if Allah could help people to solve problems, why Libya and Syria are in civil war? But I can not discuss this question with my husband or his families, perhaps I am crazy or heretic in their minds.

mheredge

I agree that if there is an omnipotent god, then how can there be wars and disasters @lisa. I suppose this is why I find Buddhism as a religion far more logical. As humans, we are sentient beings like other living things, striving to improve and to be kind to others and so own. I don't believe that there is any external 'thing' out there controlling what we do. It's up to us and unfortunately this is the problem as humans are not really as clever as they think they are.

lisa

I think me-myself is more liable than God, life is more tough than before, and we have to try our best to fight. Maybe we can not get the equality to our endeavour, but if we do not endeavour, we can get nothing. @mheredge

mheredge

I totally agree @lisa. I believe that our destiny is very much under our control. I have little time for those who believe in fate and don't try to do things for themselves.

lisa

That is right, the destiny of people should be controlled by oneself instead of God, that is why we should try our best to accomplish our goals. @mheredge