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And reigns the winter's pregnant silence still;
No sign of spring, save that the catkins fill,
And willow stems grow daily red and bright.
These are days when ancients held a rite
Of expiation for the old year's ill,
And prayer to purify the new year's will."
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Do you think couples should live together before they are married?

GemmaRowlandsGemmaRowlands ModeratorPosts: 8,729 mod
I personally think that they should, because they can get to know each other and they will know whether they are compatible with each other or not. If they have never lived together, they won't know until it's too late.

What do you think? Do you think that people should live together before they are married?

Comments

  • mheredgemheredge Teacher Here and therePosts: 36,162 mod
    Totally agree with you @GemmaRowlands. I think it's important that you feel comfortable with the person who you think you want to spend the rest of your life with. You need to get to know them, warts and all!
  • GemmaRowlandsGemmaRowlands Moderator Posts: 8,729 mod
    mheredge said:

    Totally agree with you @GemmaRowlands. I think it's important that you feel comfortable with the person who you think you want to spend the rest of your life with. You need to get to know them, warts and all!

    Definitely. I think marriages are more likely to break up if you don't have a clue what the person is like to live with beforehand.
  • mheredgemheredge Teacher Here and therePosts: 36,162 mod
    I think you are right. I would never be able to cope if I had a partner who snored for example.
  • GemmaRowlandsGemmaRowlands Moderator Posts: 8,729 mod
    mheredge said:

    I think you are right. I would never be able to cope if I had a partner who snored for example.

    My partner does snore and it bothered me at the beginning, but to be honest I'm used to it now and I can sleep through it no problem.
  • mheredgemheredge Teacher Here and therePosts: 36,162 mod
    You're very lucky @GemmaRowlands! A friend who I went trekking with snores and loudly but we worked out that if she slept with a higher pillow, she didn't snore at all.
  • GemmaRowlandsGemmaRowlands Moderator Posts: 8,729 mod
    mheredge said:

    You're very lucky @GemmaRowlands! A friend who I went trekking with snores and loudly but we worked out that if she slept with a higher pillow, she didn't snore at all.

    Ah yes, I think that will be because having your head a little higher up can open up your airways, which is something that would help with snoring.
  • mheredgemheredge Teacher Here and therePosts: 36,162 mod
    She used to snore facing one particular direction more too @GemmaRowlands.
  • GemmaRowlandsGemmaRowlands Moderator Posts: 8,729 mod
    mheredge said:

    She used to snore facing one particular direction more too @GemmaRowlands.

    Yes that's because of the shape of her throat, you can buy things that open your throat up that you put in your mouth, or even masks to wear, and that can help a lot.
  • mheredgemheredge Teacher Here and therePosts: 36,162 mod
    She used to have a friend who snored loudly who got some treatment, so doesn't snore any more @GemmaRowlands. But one friend has tried everything in vain. She has to sleep in another bedroom as her husband can't sleep, it is so bad.
  • GemmaRowlandsGemmaRowlands Moderator Posts: 8,729 mod
    mheredge said:

    She used to have a friend who snored loudly who got some treatment, so doesn't snore any more @GemmaRowlands. But one friend has tried everything in vain. She has to sleep in another bedroom as her husband can't sleep, it is so bad.

    That's a shame, as I do think that couples should sleep in the same room, but I guess there's no choice if there's no other way she can get to sleep.
  • mheredgemheredge Teacher Here and therePosts: 36,162 mod
    I know quite a lot of couples who sleep in separate bedrooms to get a better night's sleep @GemmaRowlands.
  • GemmaRowlandsGemmaRowlands Moderator Posts: 8,729 mod
    mheredge said:

    I know quite a lot of couples who sleep in separate bedrooms to get a better night's sleep @GemmaRowlands.

    I suppose it would work if it was the only way, but I would be gutted if I couldn't sleep in the same bed as my partner anymore.
  • mheredgemheredge Teacher Here and therePosts: 36,162 mod
    I'm quite a light sleeper, so I think I'd rather have the bed to myself @GemmaRowlands!
  • GemmaRowlandsGemmaRowlands Moderator Posts: 8,729 mod
    mheredge said:

    I'm quite a light sleeper, so I think I'd rather have the bed to myself @GemmaRowlands!

    I always used to be, but sleeping next to my partner always seems to make me sleep better - I don't know whether that is actually the case or whether it just feels that way.
  • ydogan85ydogan85 Posts: 20 ✭✭
    I think couples should live together and leave together. I mean people shouldn't get married. Marriage is the killer of love.
  • mheredgemheredge Teacher Here and therePosts: 36,162 mod
    edited February 14
    @GemmaRowlands did you see this article? Should all couples sleep apart? Ford has invented a mattress that ‘nudges’ you if you start crowding your partner. It is quite amusing!

    @ydogan85 do you mean that you don't believe in marriage? My sister would agree with you as she didn't get married to her partner for about 12 years after they had their first child. However in the end they did, as legally it made more sense and made things easier.

    For some people it is a symbolic commitment but these days I'm not sure it is worth much if you look at the very high divorce rates.
  • kindgnicekindgnice LEO Motivator!!! Posts: 7,928 mod
    ydogan85 said:

    I think couples should live together and leave together. I mean people shouldn't get married. Marriage is the killer of love.

    @ydogan85 Do you mean to say you're not married with your wife? :open_mouth:
  • mheredgemheredge Teacher Here and therePosts: 36,162 mod
    It used to be called 'living in sin' if you lived together but were not married. In some societies it is still frowned upon.
  • ydogan85ydogan85 Posts: 20 ✭✭
    I think living in sin is living in hypocrisy. and yes, I dont believe in marriage. I believe that unmarried couples live more happily.
  • Practical_SeverardPractical_Severard Posts: 1,492 ✭✭✭✭
    edited February 14
    I think that situations differ. It's a good thing for a relationship start, but what if you've lived a considerable time like this? I think if it has been lasting for more than three years you need to either get married or split up. What is the point otherwise, especially for a woman?
  • mheredgemheredge Teacher Here and therePosts: 36,162 mod
    I'm not sure how a piece of paper can really make so much difference @ydogan85. Surely it must depend on how the couple feel. And certainly having or not having a contract (if you can call a marriage certificate this) won't make any difference to whether the couple remain in love.

    The phrase 'living in sin' just reflects society's morals when it comes to the idea of no sex before marriage.

    My sister couldn't see the point, though I think her partner wasn't totally happy. But she proposed to him on his 40th birthday and they married on her 40th and so far, they all lived happily ever after.
  • Practical_SeverardPractical_Severard Posts: 1,492 ✭✭✭✭
    edited February 14
    mheredge said:

    ... certainly having or not having a contract (if you can call a marriage certificate this) won't make any difference to whether the couple remain in love.

    This is true, of course, and while a written contract may be not necessary while everything is all right, but it's not so if there is a trouble, when a written contract might be useful. I mean not only termination of a relationship, but problems of other kinds also. Such as I once read on the Internet a story of a couple living without registration for some time during which they had two children. Once the man had to go on business to a country in Africa, about which an internal memo strongly advised leaving a will, what impressed him so much so they got married during the lunchtime on that day, what isn't the normal process here and requires a certain arrangement, and I'm not sure they were all official. Also, the status of official spouse is needed here to make decisions in a hospital as well as to be allowed a visit to a prison.
  • GemmaRowlandsGemmaRowlands Moderator Posts: 8,729 mod
    ydogan85 said:

    I think couples should live together and leave together. I mean people shouldn't get married. Marriage is the killer of love.

    I don't really agree with that, but I do think that a lot of people stop trying to make the effort once they are married, as they think that's the end step.
  • ydogan85ydogan85 Posts: 20 ✭✭
    @Practical_Severard The point is to keep love but everything changes and some things die. People get married and stay married for the sake of children. I don't see excitement and sparkle in the eyes of married couples.
  • ydogan85ydogan85 Posts: 20 ✭✭
    @GemmaRowlands why do they think it is the end step? is it because they see that it is the end of the road?
  • Practical_SeverardPractical_Severard Posts: 1,492 ✭✭✭✭
    edited February 15
    ydogan85 said:

    @Practical_Severard The point is to keep love but everything changes and some things die. People get married and stay married for the sake of children. I don't see excitement and sparkle in the eyes of married couples.

    I think nobody is capable to be staying excited till the end of his or hers life. People change growing older, so does their love. That's just a thing difficult to grasp with other means than own experience. And love, indeed, like everything else, has the flip side. Noone can have its full joy without the troubles and responsibilities. Some never meet love, some don't need any, some fail, but not trying means no chance of having it. Keeping the emergency exit open at all times changes the game to something else, I think. To have the pleasure of free flight one needs to make that step out of the plane. You have to pack your parachute well, yes, but it doesn't 100% insure.
    Post edited by Practical_Severard on
  • mheredgemheredge Teacher Here and therePosts: 36,162 mod
    @ydogan85 I agree totally with @Practical_Severard. However you need to talk to @Pauline too. I remember my cousin telling me that marriage was a big compromise. I think it can be easier to do so when you're younger, but it can become harder as you get older and prefer to have things your way. This might explain why there are many older people who divorce even after living together a long time.
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