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"The April rain, the April rain,
Comes slanting down in fitful showers,
Then from the furrow shoots the grain,
And banks are fledged with nestling flowers;
And in grey shawl and woodland bowers
The cuckoo through the April rain
Calls once again."

Mathilde Blind, April Rain

People don't become 'adults' until their 30s, say scientists

mheredgemheredge Posts: 42,562 ✭✭✭✭
What do you think of this?

It seems that to have a definition of when you move from childhood to adulthood looks increasingly absurd.

Have you ever been told to 'grow up' when you have become older than 18? Do we ever really grow up?

https://www.bbc.com/news/newsbeat-47622059?ns_linkname=english_regions&ns_campaign=bbc_england&ns_mchannel=social&ns_source=facebook&fbclid=IwAR3Yuveq8Yg07Hw4O50DCFwRdPkWFVexjM4uF2ptMet0mz88jyv78YBaF9s


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Comments

  • GemmaRowlandsGemmaRowlands Moderator Posts: 10,331 mod
    I think there is some truth in this. I feel like an adult now, and I am 28, but my "growing up" has only really happened in the past year or so. Before that I honestly believe that I still acted like a child a lot of the time.
  • mheredgemheredge Posts: 42,562 ✭✭✭✭
    Being a homeowner and being self-employed are very grown up things @GemmaRowlands! I look at my 27 years old niece and I think she still behaves more like a kid than an adult, even though she's a primary school teacher now and has just come back from travelling for nearly a year. I had hoped that her travels might make her grow up a bit, but she just beach-hopped and spent a lot of time in bars more than anything!

  • XanthippeXanthippe Posts: 2,071 ✭✭✭✭✭
    @mheredge, well, I am much older and I have a sneaking suspicion that I am still not grown-up. :(
  • mheredgemheredge Posts: 42,562 ✭✭✭✭
    I'm definitely not grown up yet and I'm probably older than you @Xanthippe.
  • GemmaRowlandsGemmaRowlands Moderator Posts: 10,331 mod
    mheredge said:

    Being a homeowner and being self-employed are very grown up things @GemmaRowlands! I look at my 27 years old niece and I think she still behaves more like a kid than an adult, even though she's a primary school teacher now and has just come back from travelling for nearly a year. I had hoped that her travels might make her grow up a bit, but she just beach-hopped and spent a lot of time in bars more than anything!

    Yes I think it all depends on what kind of situation you are in as to whether you feel grown up or not. I help my partner to look after his son as well, which means I have to be the adult really!
  • luridlurid Posts: 14 ✭✭
    I think that depends on our category of adulthood. I used to look after my brother when I was 11 years old but normally I was still feel like a child, although most grown ups can' t feel the same responsibility. Also in some aspects I want to feel like a child, because I don't want to loose the childish curiosity for life.
  • mheredgemheredge Posts: 42,562 ✭✭✭✭
    I rather like being a kid when I'm around kids. It's more fun that way.
  • GemmaRowlandsGemmaRowlands Moderator Posts: 10,331 mod
    lurid said:

    I think that depends on our category of adulthood. I used to look after my brother when I was 11 years old but normally I was still feel like a child, although most grown ups can' t feel the same responsibility. Also in some aspects I want to feel like a child, because I don't want to loose the childish curiosity for life.

    I feel quite sorry for children who are forced to grow up so quickly, as it means that they have to lose that innocence of childhood much faster than they might like.
  • mheredgemheredge Posts: 42,562 ✭✭✭✭
    I think many adults are still very immature in many ways (dare I say, a lot of men seem to guilty of this...)
  • GemmaRowlandsGemmaRowlands Moderator Posts: 10,331 mod
    mheredge said:

    I think many adults are still very immature in many ways (dare I say, a lot of men seem to guilty of this...)

    Yeah, men definitely seem to mature more slowly than women. I think that's why you often get women choosing to date older men rather than men their own age.
  • mheredgemheredge Posts: 42,562 ✭✭✭✭
    I totally agree @GemmaRowlands. And of course this might also be why younger men sometimes go for older women, as maybe a bit of a mother figure.
  • GemmaRowlandsGemmaRowlands Moderator Posts: 10,331 mod
    mheredge said:

    I totally agree @GemmaRowlands. And of course this might also be why younger men sometimes go for older women, as maybe a bit of a mother figure.

    Yes, because she will be happy to look after him, because he hasn't learned to look after himself properly yet!
  • mheredgemheredge Posts: 42,562 ✭✭✭✭
    Mankind would die out if it weren't for the maternal feelings felt towards guys!
  • GemmaRowlandsGemmaRowlands Moderator Posts: 10,331 mod
    mheredge said:

    Mankind would die out if it weren't for the maternal feelings felt towards guys!

    Very true. They can get away with it because we love them.. or most of the time we do, anyway!
  • mheredgemheredge Posts: 42,562 ✭✭✭✭
    Isn't it curious there aren't any guys denying our comments @GemmaRowlands? :)
  • Practical_SeverardPractical_Severard Posts: 2,479 ✭✭✭✭
    edited March 2019
    I think adulthood has two stages:

    The first is when someone starts an independent life, first of all financially, but not only that, but when he or she needs to to care for himself or herself: health, property, etc. The second comes when this person needs to take care for somebody else: spouse, children, elderly relatives. While in marriage people usually are caring and receiving care depending on who's better in particular areas.

    Men are an object of experimentation of the mother Nature, they are the people who try new things, and Nature tries new genetic codes on them, while women are the conservative half.

    And I'm sure people in developing countries tend to grow to adulthood earlier. As well as people born in times of troubles/poverty.
  • mheredgemheredge Posts: 42,562 ✭✭✭✭
    @Practical_Severard I find that men who live at home with their parents as adults often do not have the first idea about how to care for themselves and stay children all their lives. I also have met many who from a young age have had to take on responsibilities that most people don't have to take on until they are much older. Sadly they miss out on having a childhood.

    I'm not convinced about your point about women being conservative, as I could argue the opposite can be true. Women are increasingly engaged in activities that before were always seen to be for men; they can be seen in many societies to have adapted to meet changes in all sorts of ways. I remember how after the collapse of the Soviet Union when I visited Mongolia, everywhere women were adapting to the change and getting on, setting up new eneterprises and doing things as opposed to many of the guys who just sat and complained about their situation. Here it was the men who were being extremely conservation while the women were proving to be far more flexible.
  • Practical_SeverardPractical_Severard Posts: 2,479 ✭✭✭✭
    edited March 2019
    mheredge said:

    Women are increasingly engaged in activities that before were always seen to be for men; they can be seen in many societies to have adapted to meet changes in all sorts of ways.

    I'm arguing with this, but mean the situation of setting up something completely new, which nobody has done before.
    Speaking about the situation when a person needs to change because of a stroke of fate, a woman can indeed be more flexible than than a man, but that's a situation where numbers mean a lot. There are a lot of men who have adapted to it, and who do it now.

  • Practical_SeverardPractical_Severard Posts: 2,479 ✭✭✭✭
    mheredge said:

    @Practical_Severard I find that men who live at home with their parents as adults often do not have the first idea about how to care for themselves and stay children all their lives.

    Yes, I know too many of them too. Universal conscription usually helps many of them, though not all. Anyway, I think that children should leave their parents' place early and boys earlier than girls.
    mheredge said:


    I also have met many who from a young age have had to take on responsibilities that most people don't have to take on until they are much older. Sadly they miss out on having a childhood.

    This is not very bad, there are a lot of worse things in life.

  • mheredgemheredge Posts: 42,562 ✭✭✭✭
    You are probably right @Practical_Severard. Military service is probably not such a bad thing for getting guys to stand up on their own two feet.

    I think travel is a good apprenticeship for life too. Maybe it should be included as a compulsory 'subject' at and end of school.
  • GemmaRowlandsGemmaRowlands Moderator Posts: 10,331 mod

    I think adulthood has two stages:

    The first is when someone starts an independent life, first of all financially, but not only that, but when he or she needs to to care for himself or herself: health, property, etc. The second comes when this person needs to take care for somebody else: spouse, children, elderly relatives. While in marriage people usually are caring and receiving care depending on who's better in particular areas.

    Men are an object of experimentation of the mother Nature, they are the people who try new things, and Nature tries new genetic codes on them, while women are the conservative half.

    And I'm sure people in developing countries tend to grow to adulthood earlier. As well as people born in times of troubles/poverty.

    I do think that having somebody else to take care of makes you grow up a lot, as you just cannot be selfish about anything anymore.
  • mheredgemheredge Posts: 42,562 ✭✭✭✭
    This explains a lot! I'm just a big kid.
  • GemmaRowlandsGemmaRowlands Moderator Posts: 10,331 mod
    mheredge said:

    This explains a lot! I'm just a big kid.

    So am I. I always want to go on days out that children would enjoy more than adults, but I think that growing up is just boring.
  • mheredgemheredge Posts: 42,562 ✭✭✭✭
    Growing up is exactly that @GemmaRowlands. Boring! Let's vow to never grow up. Peter Pan definitely had the right idea.
  • Practical_SeverardPractical_Severard Posts: 2,479 ✭✭✭✭
    mheredge said:


    I think travel is a good apprenticeship for life too. Maybe it should be included as a compulsory 'subject' at and end of school.

    Nah, travel is just an expensive gift for them. I'd vote for assigning some household duties for the benefit of the family, according to the age and circumstances and starting living on themselves early. In some families underage children contribute financially, what is a story about a good child in my eyes, though some may think that's rather about poor parents.

  • mheredgemheredge Posts: 42,562 ✭✭✭✭
    I agree, children earning any sort of income should contribute something to the family's household expenses if they are living at home. They shouldn't expect to living for free @Practical_Severard. This should be regardless of age.
  • Practical_SeverardPractical_Severard Posts: 2,479 ✭✭✭✭
    mheredge said:

    I agree, children earning any sort of income should contribute something to the family's household expenses if they are living at home.

    How common is it in the UK?
    Here it's totally unknown apart from very poor families, I think, though I never met anyone living in such families.

  • mheredgemheredge Posts: 42,562 ✭✭✭✭
    I'm not sure, but I think one of my sister's daughters, the one who has a job contributes something but not much @Practical_Severard.

    It seems a lot to ask that parents should keep having to completely support their kids if they are earning money.
  • GemmaRowlandsGemmaRowlands Moderator Posts: 10,331 mod
    mheredge said:

    I agree, children earning any sort of income should contribute something to the family's household expenses if they are living at home. They shouldn't expect to living for free @Practical_Severard. This should be regardless of age.

    I agree with this, but for some reason in the UK, young people seem to think they have the right to live for nothing in their homes no matter how old they get.
  • Practical_SeverardPractical_Severard Posts: 2,479 ✭✭✭✭

    mheredge said:

    I agree, children earning any sort of income should contribute something to the family's household expenses if they are living at home. They shouldn't expect to living for free @Practical_Severard. This should be regardless of age.

    I agree with this, but for some reason in the UK, young people seem to think they have the right to live for nothing in their homes no matter how old they get.
    I think you mean the children who have reached the legal age, but what do you think about the situation of a 11-15 y.o. child from a first world country who has a job that he or she can get at this age (paper rounds, car washing, lawn mowing, etc.) and gives the parent(s) a part or the whole of it because the family needs this money to make the ends meet?
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