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"Still lie the sheltering snows, undimmed and white;
And reigns the winter's pregnant silence still;
No sign of spring, save that the catkins fill,
And willow stems grow daily red and bright.
These are days when ancients held a rite
Of expiation for the old year's ill,
And prayer to purify the new year's will."
Helen Hunt Jackson, A Calendar of Sonnet's: February

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Do you have a joke?

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Comments

  • MichouxeMichouxe Posts: 8,750 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited January 25
    @Paulette said:
    A doctor recommended one of the older patients a hearing aid. The man did not like wearing something like that, but the doctor convinced him, so the man decided to try it anyway. A month later he came to the doctor to get a check up.
    - "How are you now?" the doctor asked.
    "Well, I've heard things that I've never heard in the past month," he said.
    "That is amazing!" Said the doctor. "And what does your family say about this?"
    "Oh, I have not told them yet that I hear it again, but I enjoy it and I always hear new things!" " And it is very interesting and so I have already changed my will for five times."


    I have understand he has five times changed his last wil.(testament)@Paulette, did I understand it correctly? :)
  • PaulettePaulette Posts: 18,099 mod
    @Michouxe you are right but he changed everytime his will. I think it is called 'will' if the person is still alive and we called it 'last will' after this person has died.
  • Practical_SeverardPractical_Severard Posts: 1,482 ✭✭✭✭


  • MichouxeMichouxe Posts: 8,750 ✭✭✭✭✭
    @Practical_Severard - It seems like the cat is the best singer!😉
  • Practical_SeverardPractical_Severard Posts: 1,482 ✭✭✭✭
    A judge to an accused: 'you're charged with quackery on the grounds that you sold a so-called elixir of immortality to gullible people. Do you have any previous convictions?'
    'Yes, Your Honour. In 1451, 1639, 1893 and 1914.'
  • Practical_SeverardPractical_Severard Posts: 1,482 ✭✭✭✭
    edited January 26
    The text reads: "when you've come to a gallery and are pretending to be a connoisseur".

  • MichouxeMichouxe Posts: 8,750 ✭✭✭✭✭

    @Practical_Severard said:
    A judge to an accused: 'you're charged with quackery on the grounds that you sold a so-called elixir of immortality to gullible people. Do you have any previous convictions?'
    'Yes, Your Honour. In 1451, 1639, 1893 and 1914.'


    Can I please have his address? I want to buy this elixer!👍
  • MichouxeMichouxe Posts: 8,750 ✭✭✭✭✭
    @Practical_Severard said:
    The text reads: "when you've come to a gallery and are pretending to be a connoisseur".


    She is right , nowadays we can use everything for art!

  • PaulettePaulette Posts: 18,099 mod
    edited January 27
    An old woman comes to see the doctor because she already feels strange symptoms for a few nights.
    The doctor asks her: "What complaints do you have?" The lady replies: "I suddenly start shaking and shivering without ceasing."
    "Yes" says the doctor: "And are your teeth then also rattle?" The woman replies: "But I don't know it doctor, because we don't sleep in the same room."

    ----------------------

    An old woman goes to see the doctor because she has been having strange symptoms for a few nights.
    The doctor asks her: "What seems to be the matter?"
    The lady replies: "Every night I suddenly start shaking and shivering."
    "I see," says the doctor: "And do your teeth also rattle?"
    The woman replies: "I don't know doctor, because at night I keep them in the bathroom."
    Post edited by Teach on
  • OlegOleg Posts: 3,067 ✭✭✭✭✭
    I am thinking hard to come up with a joke. But it can be quite difficult sometimes. And my brain gets bigger!


  • MichouxeMichouxe Posts: 8,750 ✭✭✭✭✭

    An older man walks in a three piece suit, nice hat, crying in the street. Passerby: "Ah sir, what’s wrong mister, maybe I can help?” Man:"Ah, young, it’s terrible , I am 91 and just married with a terrible beautiful blonde of 22 .” Passerby: “well that is yet fantastic , what’s then the problem ? Man: “ I don’t know the way home anymore!

  • Practical_SeverardPractical_Severard Posts: 1,482 ✭✭✭✭
    Michouxe said:


    Can I please have his address? I want to buy this elixer!👍

    I'm afraid they've locked him up only to have it excusively for themselves...
  • Practical_SeverardPractical_Severard Posts: 1,482 ✭✭✭✭
    Michouxe said:

    @Practical_Severard said:
    The text reads: "when you've come to a gallery and are pretending to be a connoisseur".

    She is right , nowadays we can use everything for art!

    I guess the Polish text is a bit different:
    "When you've come to an art gallery and are guessing what it means". I don't know any Polish, just using the closer relationship of Russian". Am In right with the tranlation, @Xanthippe?
  • XanthippeXanthippe Posts: 1,952 ✭✭✭✭✭
    @Practical_Severard

    There are two different verbs:
    znać się - be knowledgeable about something, be a connoisseur
    and
    znaczyć - to mean

    Udajesz means: you pretend to

    to guess would be: zgadywać.

    So the correct translation is:
    you are pretending/ you pretend to be knowledgeable about art.

  • Practical_SeverardPractical_Severard Posts: 1,482 ✭✭✭✭
    Xanthippe said:

    @Practical_Severard

    There are two different verbs:
    znać się - be knowledgeable about something, be a connoisseur
    and
    znaczyć - to mean

    Udajesz means: you pretend to

    to guess would be: zgadywać.

    So the correct translation is:
    you are pretending/ you pretend to be knowledgeable about art.

    Thank you, @Xanthippe ! So the text means the same as the Russian variant above. The 'translators' false friends' at their best!
  • MichouxeMichouxe Posts: 8,750 ✭✭✭✭✭
    @Practical_Severard - I think that this picture does not need an explanation or tranlation , it is funny in itself! :D
  • XanthippeXanthippe Posts: 1,952 ✭✭✭✭✭
    @Practical_Severard, where is the Russian version? I can see only the English one.

    He he yes, false friends. :)
  • Practical_SeverardPractical_Severard Posts: 1,482 ✭✭✭✭

    The text reads: "when you've come to a gallery and are pretending to be a connoisseur".

    Xanthippe said:

    @Practical_Severard, where is the Russian version? I can see only the English one.

    He he yes, false friends. :)

  • GemmaRowlandsGemmaRowlands Moderator Posts: 8,689 mod
    Michouxe said:

    @Paulette said:
    A doctor recommended one of the older patients a hearing aid. The man did not like wearing something like that, but the doctor convinced him, so the man decided to try it anyway. A month later he came to the doctor to get a check up.
    - "How are you now?" the doctor asked.
    "Well, I've heard things that I've never heard in the past month," he said.
    "That is amazing!" Said the doctor. "And what does your family say about this?"
    "Oh, I have not told them yet that I hear it again, but I enjoy it and I always hear new things!" " And it is very interesting and so I have already changed my will for five times."


    I have understand he has five times changed his last wil.(testament)@Paulette, did I understand it correctly? :)

    Yes you have understood that. He means that because he has heard what his family say about him, he doesn't want to leave them any money anymore! It is quite funny.
  • MichouxeMichouxe Posts: 8,750 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Although I think not only in the Netherlands.😊

  • PaulettePaulette Posts: 18,099 mod
    A somewhat older man who lives in rural areas enters a department store in the capital for the first time.
    He looks at the elevator while two rather older ladies are disappearing in it, and when a moment later two young, handsome ladies step out of it, he exclaims: "Wow, if I had known this before I came here I would have my woman also brought along .... "
  • GemmaRowlandsGemmaRowlands Moderator Posts: 8,689 mod
    Paulette said:

    A somewhat older man who lives in rural areas enters a department store in the capital for the first time.
    He looks at the elevator while two rather older ladies are disappearing in it, and when a moment later two young, handsome ladies step out of it, he exclaims: "Wow, if I had known this before I came here I would have my woman also brought along .... "

    Ha ha. Wouldn't it be wonderful if we had the chance to use an elevator like that and trade our partners for better models every now and again!
  • MichouxeMichouxe Posts: 8,750 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Agent: "Sir, you may not fish here, I have to gives you a fine". Visser: "But I'm not fishing, I teach my worm swimming lesson". Agent: "Then you will be fined 25 euros, because your worm may not swim without a bathing suit".😂🤣
  • Practical_SeverardPractical_Severard Posts: 1,482 ✭✭✭✭
    edited February 4
    Michouxe said:

    Although I think not only in the Netherlands.😊


    Yeah, I've been there, seen that. I remember the mud bike track around the Center Parks resort in the Netherlands. They just had sent a 4x4 lorry or a tractor around their place and presto! they got it!
  • PaulettePaulette Posts: 18,099 mod
    Perhaps a joke or simply a remarable story that contains a lot of truth:
    It happened a long time ago, during the Middle Ages.
    A man went to war only with a bow, without arrows. Someone asked him what he would achieve with just a bow without arrows.
    - "I collect all the arrows that the enemy shoots at us." the man replied.
    - "And if the enemy does not shoot?" the other man asked again.
    "Don't yo know; then there is no war" said the man

    If that is not a logic now!
  • Practical_SeverardPractical_Severard Posts: 1,482 ✭✭✭✭
    Paulette said:


    If that is not a logic now!

    I think, it's correct in general, on the philosophical scale, while not in any particular situations, such as a detachment the man is in could be attacked with close combat weapons, in which situation he appears to be unarmed.
  • Practical_SeverardPractical_Severard Posts: 1,482 ✭✭✭✭
    edited February 6
    A sample of a doctor's handrwriting from somewhere in the former USSR. The language is Russian. Pharmacist is a tough job.

    Taken from Reddit.
  • Practical_SeverardPractical_Severard Posts: 1,482 ✭✭✭✭
    Your child will follow your example, not your advice:

  • Practical_SeverardPractical_Severard Posts: 1,482 ✭✭✭✭
    edited February 7

    A sample of a doctor's handrwriting from somewhere in the former USSR. The language is Russian. Pharmacist is a tough job.


    Taken from Reddit.

    I've managed to have it partly decoded:

    T(Body temperature): 36.6, A[rterial] T[ension]: 100/60 at the appointment. Had the appointment because of pregnancy. No complaints. No L[incage] to outpatient care. Satisfactory condition. [unreadable, the last lines twist]
    Diagnosis: A[rterial] H[ypertension] in anamnesis...
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